“I've tried recording this fucking thing for, like, six times, and I can't get through it because for one, I'm "medicated," and for two it's 3 AM and I've been up for quite a while. And it's been a shit day, so, um, yeah.

The reason I'm making this phone post is because I'm trying to explain this stupid Canadian -- oh, uh, I think it's Canadian anyway -- idiom that, um, only my friend Sondra and I seem to have heard before. And, uh, basically old people use it here, anyway, um, in, well, Northern Ontario I guess.

Um... It's "Pertinear." And it's very important that it's just not "pert near." It's "Pertinear." And it basically means "almost." Um... or... But it's kind of hard to do in a monologue because, well, #1 I'm high. But #2, I, is just... It's not as funny when you're thinking about it, but when you hear it in conversation, like, I will just fucking shit myself every time I hear somebody say it 'cause it's just...

It's not something you hear every day, and it's just one of those things that just makes absolutely no sense whatsoever because you're, you're kind of abbreviating a word twice, and, and adding, you know, an "I" sound, and, but uh... But basically, you know, every so often, you know, Sondra and I will be sitting here, and we'll be talking, and then all of the sudden she'll come out with "Pertinear!" and, you know, I just completely lose it.

Yeah. This post is really stupid, and I'm not going to try and do it again, but somebody has to help me translate the sentiment of "Pertinear" into text, because I could have a really really good post out of it, because my grandmother was hysterical, and, like, just as a character, and you cannot write her as a character without that term. Um, but, I mean, you have to use, you know, really really bad grammar to do it properly and I can't figure out how to do it.

Um, I've been trying for the last, you know, fifteen minutes to remember, uh, you know, other contexts that it would be used in but I'm drawing a complete blank - as it happens, because, you know, I'm not all there to begin with.

I am not fucking trying to record this again, so if this is stupid, too bad.

Okay. I love you, bitches. Goodbye.”

greenadder

“Alright well, I said I was going to bed, and I guess I lied because I'm not actually in bed...um, I was going to share with you the hell that is this cricket that seems to be in my furnace, but of course as soon as this LiveJournal thing, um, started recording, the furnace came on...so it's going to be a little hard for me to share that. Also, as soon as I get close to the furnace the stupid bastard stops chirping. And it's trying to make a liar out of me so, fine...maybe it's all in my head. But uh, as soon as the furnace goes off I will try and share my hell. I'm surprised - I tried making it pick up, and it wouldn't, even though it's REALLY loud. I mean, you can hear it in every single part of the house because it's in the ductwork, making me NUTS. FOR FIVE DAYS! It's won't DIE! *whine* Make it die! Yeah, okay so, I'm in here, I'm behind the furnace, we're going to listen now. Ew! Spider! Oh! God! URHH. This house is so disgusting, in case I haven't mentioned that. Well, I'm wedged between the dryer and the furnace right now, and of course the cricket has stopped chirping. because..oh! There it goes. Now it's stopped. Alright, it's just fuckin' with me now, so I give up! And uh, this is going to be my lovely phone post for the month and I hope that you took some joy from my pain. Alright. That's it. Bye. I'm going to bed now.”

aloudallowed

“fucking computer screen. I can't type anymore.
Freelance job from HELL!
entire pot of coffee at 10 o'clock..
rambling!
bitches!
obsessed with podcasts...
American Copyrighter. You guys would hate it.
What do you all listen to?
fuck.fuckityfuckfuck. hmm.
I signed up for MySpace. Don't tell anyone. I'm going to become an emofagloser by the weekend.
buried under email.
love you bitches”

blindlink